The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
People who have eaten the equivalent of a Ford Focus full of lard over the festive period are set to make their annual visit to a gym today where they will be politely chastised for their lack of exercise, excess weight, overall shabby lifestyle, and consequently talked into a years water tight membership contract. More […]
Education Secretary Michael Gove has publicly condemned the recent inclement weather spells which he has described as left wing and irresponsible. “If you look outside, it’s pissing it down again. And it’s quite clearly down to left wing academics, unions, public sector workers, professional bodies and anyone else who doesn’t vote for us. And the […]
Bankrupt British Nationalist Party Leader Nick griffin is embarking on a new life, living at one with nature in some woods, a BNP source confirmed this evening. “This has nothing to do with the fact that he’s broke and owes everybody money. He’s just pining for a time when Britain had very little in the […]
Britain is set to experience rainfall equivalent of the height of 3 tall men standing on top of each other or one giant, according to reports from the Met office this morning. Caused it seems by what is known as a constipated cloud which gathers moisture for a number of months before dropping it’s entire […]
The Romanian and Bulgarian ambassadors to Britain have been summoned to Downing street for urgent talks this morning following the complete absence of the stampede of immigrants expected on New Years day. Prime Minister David Cameron explained “We were supposed to wake up on New years day to find them all camping on roundabouts and […]
Britain has been described as being in a perpetual state of celebration today as the New Years Honours list has made everybody a Lord. Prime Minister David Cameron heralded the scheme as a victory for common sense, and one in the eye for all naysayers. “It’s all been a bit difficult. We want to combine […]
Nigel Farage has promised to virtually abolish Britain’s rules on immigration providing immigrants are only visiting for the week-end. Speaking at a press conference this morning the strangely beagle like politician explained that he had had a rethink on the concept of a multicultural Britain. “I’ve had to have a rethink as it’s come to […]
In their strongest anti smoking message yet reiki therapists have warned that heavy smoking may cause permanent damage to chakras, the aura and may slow down the flow of chi. A spokesman for the the British Reiki Association (BRA) told us “We don’t really believe in ‘lungs’ and ‘the brain’ per se, as they rely […]
A Government think tank has today called for talks regarding individualised styles of mild violence against particular animals. Speaking at a packed press conference the Prime Minister explained “We’re not going to be pushing for an immediate and outright ban. We’re merely saying if anyone has a pet monkey then they shouldn’t be spanking it […]
The Cabinet Office has announced that high cost phone lines which have overcharged victims of crime, widows and students are highly inappropriate, unless accompanied with some sort of verbal porn, preferably from the Ministers and heads of department themselves. David Cameron said yesterday that entirely free phone lines should be considered when callers are likely to […]
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