The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
England have proved themselves a force to be reckoned with this evening having destroyed middle aged celebrity gardener Monty Don with a final score of of 4-1 “I know I lost but I had a lovely time admiring such a well mown lawn so I don’t begrudge the victory. And you all looked so pleased. […]
The fate of the beautiful game over the coming week is hanging in the balance following a statement by Environment secretary Owen Paterson that badgers have been moving the goalposts. “The badgers moved the goalposts. We’re dealing with a wild animal, subject to the vagaries of the weather,disease and breeding patterns, that likes nothing more […]
The Government have today been accused today of pandering to the wishes of hard working people. Speaking at a press conference this morning shouty number cruncher Eddie Balls warned that hard working people would not longer be able to expect an easy ride under a Labour administration. “First it was the bankers, then politicians, now […]
The government’s free schools programme is simply a front for creating religious dogma and forcing pupils to worship Michael Gove, according to campaigners. The National Secular Society said the growing influence of faith groups could undermine the integrity of Britain’s state schools, in particular when pupils are being taught that the world was created in […]
Companies and/or Governments who have been up to something or other have today been discussing whether or not they should continue with what they’re doing after revelations that some of the inevitable public protests may include celebrities. The added factor that some protesters may also be actors, singers or clothes designers has put things in […]
A spokesman for Channel 4 has today asked that the John McCririck age discrimination issue be finally laid to rest as the veteran broadcaster is to continue working for Channel 4 where he will start his new position on Monday, as a horse. Sacked from his previous position of wearing a silly hat, hanging around […]
The Daily Mail has had to hire extra temporary staff to deal with the huge amount of post containing letters of apology from members of the British public. It appears this morning that despite many warnings from the Daily Mail over several decades, Jesus Xavier Disraeli aged 34 from Bolivia, arrived in Britain unchecked, collected […]
David Cameron has told grass roots conservative supporters that he has listened to their views and is now prepared to act on them. From now on, he told party members this morning, there would be no more hard nosed fiscal policies given with a straight face under the vague guise of compassion, and it would […]
Britain is preparing itself for almost 100% migration following the news that it does after all have poisonous spiders, the only reason that people live here as opposed to somewhere nice and hot. It’s thought that the influx of false widow spiders is so widespread that every house will have one somewhere and most people […]
A Labour Government will be directing it’s attentions to people who “look a bit flash and give the impression of being minted” according to leader Ed Miliband. In a policy that will be calculated on knee-jerk reactions to first impressions rather than actual income. It’s thought that a group of Daily Mail readers will be […]
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