The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
Britain is set to experience rainfall equivalent of the height of 3 tall men standing on top of each other or one giant, according to reports from the Met office this morning. Caused it seems by what is known as a constipated cloud which gathers moisture for a number of months before dropping it’s entire […]
In their strongest anti smoking message yet reiki therapists have warned that heavy smoking may cause permanent damage to chakras, the aura and may slow down the flow of chi. A spokesman for the the British Reiki Association (BRA) told us “We don’t really believe in ‘lungs’ and ‘the brain’ per se, as they rely […]
A Government think tank has today called for talks regarding individualised styles of mild violence against particular animals. Speaking at a packed press conference the Prime Minister explained “We’re not going to be pushing for an immediate and outright ban. We’re merely saying if anyone has a pet monkey then they shouldn’t be spanking it […]
Dull people throughout the western world have today made up for yesterdays “Jesus doesn’t want the shops open day” by attending shops, town centres and shopping lifestyle villages en masse, as the Boxing day sales offered these people a welcome return to glossing over the futility of their meaningless lives. One shopper we spoke to […]
Hi My name’s Anjem Choudary and when I’m not preaching hate or arguing with John Humphreys on Radio 4 I like nothing more than celebrating Christmas. I’d celebrate it every single day given half a chance. I love all of it, the tree, the presents, the double episode of Eastenders but most of all I […]
Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt has this morning announced the opening of new free hospitals staffed by unqualified doctors and nurses in order to maximise round the clock care for patients. “You’ve got a choice of waiting months for an operation by a so called qualified surgeon or you can be operated on […]
A brainwashed couple have won the right to be married by a cult at their main head quarters following a ruling from the supreme court today. Grinning in a scary fashion with huge huge eyes the Bride to be Louisa Hodkin told a packed press conference “It’s been a long drawn out case, but at last […]
People not going on holiday throughout the UK have been celebrating the welcome news that due to unprecedented flight delays, people who are going on holiday aren’t going on holiday either. Many non holiday makers have been celebrating in airport bars in order to see people not being able to go on holiday first hand. […]
Cigarettes are to start using invisible packaging as part of a series of new measures to discourage smokers. Secretary of State for Health, Member of Parliament for South West Surrey, and supporter of homeopathic woo, Jeremy Hunt said “If people can’t find their cigarettes then they’re less likely to smoke. The only slight flaw is that […]
Nigella Lawson is set to top the charts of best selling books this Christmas with her latest literary offering ‘The not very hungry cook book’ “I wrote a lot of it in the London borough of Chingford. So I was originally going to call it Ching food. But the ‘not very hungry cook book’ had […]
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