The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
The Government has today responded to public dissatisfaction with rail increases with a clear message. “Don’t worry about tickets, you can just bunk the train.” Speaking at this morning’s press conference Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin, who sets the rules on fares, said “I know I’ve given the OK for higher ticket prices but now it’s all […]
Senior Shadow cabinet members are said to be highly disappointed at yesterdays decision by Ed Miliband to completely stop speaking, both privately and publicly. A close family source said “It started over Sunday lunch when he refused to confirm or deny whether he would like another roast potato. Since then he has answered the phone […]
Eddie Shah has controversially blamed himself for any occasions when he may have abused himself. “There may have been nights when I have gone out actively seeking my own company. I mean look at the way I’m dressed. I’m clearly going to give myself the wrong idea or the right idea as the case may […]
Old people should try and keep their drinking down to around the 8 pint a night mark or risk health difficulties when they’re even older, according to research published this morning. Dr Graeme Wilson, from Newcastle University’s Institute of Health and Society, said: “These people are made from tough stuff, they hail from an age […]
The United Kingdom Independence party are set to go back to basics and perform a Black and White Minstrel show in an attempt to win back lost supporters according to BBC insiders. UKIP leader and sometime multi-race crooner Nigel Farararage told us “If we look back to the 1970s, there was only one foreigner in […]
In a surprise change of direction this morning the foreign office have changed their advice for travelers to “Fuck it. Life’s too short. Let’s all go on holiday to Yemen.” Speaking at a press conference this morning Foreign Secretary William Hague Well explained “We recently asked people to stay away from the place but then […]
Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government Eric Pickles has made a heart felt plea to the British public to desist from the recent trend of attempting to park their cars up his arse. One motorist who had just recently removed his Citroen Berlingo from Mr Pickles’ sphincter told us “It’s difficult to know […]
All private investigators will be required to work with a signature theme tune in the background according to new legislation announced this morning by Home Secretary Theresa May. “We’ve had a number of complaints of Private Investigators to being up to all sorts. So it’s quite clear they need to have a theme tune playing […]
The English Defence League have declared war on each other as the last few days of scorching weather have resulted in their own members looking from a distance like they might come from Spain, Italy or Portugal. This mornings march reportedly descended into violence after each protester mistakenly believed that the group had been taken […]
MPs will soon be earning enough to be able to have a wank in a big pile of cash according to a new report announced today by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority. In a move that will prove popular with proponents of unequal distribution of public funds and vigorous masturbation alike, a spokesman for the […]
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