The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
David Cameron has told grass roots conservative supporters that he has listened to their views and is now prepared to act on them. From now on, he told party members this morning, there would be no more hard nosed fiscal policies given with a straight face under the vague guise of compassion, and it would […]
A Labour Government will be directing it’s attentions to people who “look a bit flash and give the impression of being minted” according to leader Ed Miliband. In a policy that will be calculated on knee-jerk reactions to first impressions rather than actual income. It’s thought that a group of Daily Mail readers will be […]
Months of speculation as to the exact nature of Prime Minister David Cameron’s private meetings with Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, came to an end today as it transpired that Mr Cameron has been teaching Mr Clegg to say ‘Sausages’. A conservative party insider told us “Our plans to ridicule the Lib Dems have backfired […]
A new privatised Royal Mail will be ditching the traditional concept of a business that delivers letters and parcels to instead focus on the Royal Mail brand. Hordes of marketing executives are set to meet up and quaff champagne and nose candy whilst they decide whether the new RM™ is going to involve a big R […]
David Cameron is reportedly set for a series of private meetings within G20 with another delegate that apparently no-one else can see and is known solely as Roland. One journalist covering the meeting in Moscow told us “It’s been a funny conference so far. Nobody seemed to want to talk to Mr Cameron but he […]
Almost half of England’s school districts have more potential gang members than gang places according to the latest figures released by the Local Government Association this morning. David Simmonds of the LGA told us “Mums and dads want to know that there’s a good quality gang in their neighbourhood where their children can tool themselves up […]
Prime Minister David Cameron has declared war on himself and advised that all other Conservative Party members do the same. Speaking at a press conference this morning the beleaguered Premier explained “We want a war. Labour did it. And we’re supposed to be the war party. And if Parliament won’t allow us to invade anywhere else […]
Environment Secretary Owen Paterson has been torn to shreds by badgers in an unexpected turn to the badger cull saga. It’s thought that a number of badgers managed to gain access to the Department of the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs by disguising themselves as beagles and opportunistically following a man in a red suit […]
Prison populations are said to be at ‘bursting point’ following David Cameron’s decision to allow over 70s on juries which has unexpectedly resulted in everyone being found guilty. Defendants in crown court have been told to expect long sentences on the grounds that “They all do don’t they, they’ve never had to do national service and […]
Fracking protesters in the village of Balcombe have this morning indicated that they are ‘in it for the long haul’ and by October, when it is too cold to continue camping, will move their protest to surrounding 3 star hotels. One such protester Gandalf Trustfund told us “If you think we’re going to sit around […]
News Toad 
You must be logged in to post a comment.