The news 'they' don't want you to hear. Because it isn't true.
It’s been one of Britains longest running series of all time, but today Director General of the BBC, Lord Hall of Birkenhead, has confirmed that the final part of the weather will be screened on Sunday. “We’ve nowhere else to go with it. We’ve had it all, strong winds, weak winds, swirly winds, hot snow, […]
The official indoctrination of Prince George into a bizarre state sponsored cult has taken place in the Chapel Royal at St James’s Palace in London. According to a Palace insider “it was a tough choice between Christianity, Islam, scientology and Neptune God of the sea but in the end Christianity offered the best rates with […]
Departments store owners John Lewis, Debenhams and Timothy Whites are preparing themselves for record sales of live animals as many of the British public look set to recreate realistic nativity scenes in their own homes, planning to have the whole thing set up by early to mid November. One buyer told us “Many people imagine […]
Doctors, scientists and healthcare professionals have been left shame faced today after a proponent of reiki healing, Jay Diamond, asked them if they had ever seen a thought. Speaking on her morning show on Unity Radio she told her several listeners “People might think that reiki healing is simply made up nonsense used to earn a […]
Former Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan has persuaded the entire population of America to stop using guns and wean themselves of the habit by parading around brandishing water pistols instead. Speaking on CNN Mr Morgan said “It’s not the ideal result. I was hoping America would ditch their guns completely and instead point their fingers […]
Customers who disagree with today’s 9.2% pay rise can go and heat their homes and cook their dinner using gas from their own anuses according to a spokesman from British Gas this morning. “We understand public frustration of prices rising faster than incomes. But it’s not our fault that people don’t earn enough. And you […]
The Sun newspaper has confirmed today that under recently increasing pressure from protest groups to ban boobs on page three, it has decided to keep them but offset them with a picture of a mans bollocks to make it fair. “It’s not fair that men have to buy the sun when they want to see […]
Britain is set to abolish the rule whereby every Police Officer must start at the bottom and work their way up, in order to give all senior positions to promising graduates, experienced managers from other sectors and mad as biscuits foreign police chiefs. Home Secretary Theresa May has frequently argued that a move away from […]
Men who wear red trousers are rapidly increasing in numbers and infiltrating all levels of society according to reports released this week. BRTs as they are commonly known have historically inhabited seaside towns with a relatively low concentration of one per spare mile as due to their individualist nature they have tended to avoid their own […]
Radio 2 have announced today that they will be following radio one in refusing to play Robbie Williams on the basis that he is now middle aged and makes everybody else feel old. According to Chris Evans “Our target age group of over 35s are trying desperately to cling on to their lost youth but […]
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